Arranging Marriage in India

- Serena Nanda

This essay is written by Serena Nanda. She is a professor of Anthropology in a college in New York. In this essay, Nanda describes how marriages are arranged in India.

Arranged marriage is very much popular in India. Even educated and prestigious families choose the process to marry their children. The writer found it very surprising that the bride and the groom hardly get any chance to have a conversation before they get married. Because she thinks that romantic love experience is important before getting married. In India, the parents seek the suitable candidate for their son or daughter. A lot of things are put into consideration such as the person’s appearance, level of education, personality, family background, cultural background, caste, position in the social class, etc. The candidates may get chance to meet each other only if the parents find it suitable. There is no objection from the parents if any candidate finds it objectionable. The process may take a long time.

Serena asked an Indian girl Sita, who was a college girl graduate and whose parents were trying to find suitable boy for her, how she can silently accept the boy who is completely unknown to her. Sita replied that her parents would never ask her to marry a boy with whom she wouldn’t be happy. They can take many things into consideration and would find a right match.

Serena returned to India again six years later. She found many positive aspects of arranged marriages. In America, marriages are soon broken in divorce but the marriages lasted lifetime in India. It was surprising to her. She had arranged many marriages in America, so she thought she would try one in India. One of her friends in India had a son. Though the family had a prestigious background, her son was in a military force. Many families in India would not risk their daughter’s life by giving her hand to a person who is in such a risky job. But then, the boy had left his job and had joined his father’s business.

Serena tried to find a reasonable candidate for him. She learned many things during the process. The mother of the boy asked Serena to consider the height and the color of her son. Serena proposed a girl who had four sisters. But the boy’s family refused it saying that they couldn’t have grand marriage. Serena proposed another girl but again the family found her too educated and so not suitable for their son. Another girl was rejected because of her weight and that she wore glasses. At last, Serena was successful to find a match. It took more than two years for her to find the right match. Then Serena realized why arranged marriages lasted so long in India